Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Look away children...... part two

I'm back..... I've actually been back a while just in case my longer-than-normal absence led some of you to think I'd decided to stay in New York. I'm afraid nothing so dramatic.
I arrived home at 6am Monday morning having had no sleep and straight into the beginning-of-week flurry of school readiness. After the glorious gusto of greetings, my husband ran out of the door with a look of sheer relief on his face mouthing "they're all yours!" I put my suitcases down, forced a smile on my face and made their breakfast..... They were all sick with colds and so it was Thursday before I actually got any sleep. During those fog-muddled days, I could almost taste the sweet boost of cocktail that I had left behind and could cry. As everyone pulled at me, screamed at me, coughed at me, needed me....... I closed my eyes and remembered.... the gloriousness of time off, time alone, time to be me.

Quick disclaimer!: I did miss the girls so so much, and we skyped every day and talked several times a day (not looking forward to my mobile billl). I missed hubby incredibly and wished I could have shared all the amazing restaurants and cocktail bars with him.... came home full of romantic intentions and have barely spoken to him since (he's been sick, the girls have been sick, I've been sick, I had to go up to visit my mum.... so Hi Lovely.... talk soon!).

But.........but...... I cannot lie. It was sheer bliss. Sheer, utter, perfect, glorious, freedom liberating bliss. For five days I lived my life. MY life. I remembered who I was. I laughed, I smiled, I thought good thoughts. I did not shout, get frustrated, feel trapped, feel resentful, feel like crying, feel rubbish, feel stressed.
We walked (not ran, walked) all over Manhatton, we browsed (browsing!!!!..not running into a shop, list hanging out of mouth, baby in one arm, two hands beng dragged by the other arm, shouting 'where's the bloody thing I'm looking for!', and throwing money at the teller as I stop Ruby climbing onto an escalator, and shoving everyone back in the car seats in approximately 3 breaths..... yes, browsing), we stopped for tea breaks (where I actually drank it and finished whole conversations), drank cocktails at peculiar hours of the day (just because I COULD!), we went out for glorious East Coast seafood and beer, (and didn't have to rush home), I didn't get indigesiton eating my breakfast because I only had to feed myself. Did I mention it was bliss?

Sorry girls...... I love you dearly, and chose this life at home with you. I would have it no other way..... but I needed this. I feel recharged, rebooted, re-engaged, reinvented, rejuvenated. My post-holiday blues have flown away leaving a rainbow of happiness. Our coughs are gone, and replaced by laughing. I've rediscovered how to laugh with you, because I finally had some time to remember how to laugh with me. I am playful, forgiving, energised, and I am loving being with you again. Oh, and just so you..... Amanda and I have started saving again!