and then reality bites...

I love it when I write a post like my last one, as if suddenly the world has shifted on an axis and there are no troubles to be found.  Because I should know by now, when you have three kids, a job, a parent to care for, a marriage you'd quite like to keep, and a dog, troubles are never far away. Although I have to admit that after the Troubles of the last few years, it's nice to have troubles with a little t for a while.

Working from home had it's challenges - the constant pull of needs leaving me feeling I was making nobody happy any of the time. Every minute was allocated to at least three different functions and craziness ensued.  Now the pull is of a different kind - the constant guilt of leaving my girls, the logistics of organising meals, school pick ups and general family needs around the demanding 5 days of work in a three-day a week job.   Every minute is allocated - from 6 am when I have to get up to walk the dog before hubby goes to work, to the moment I lay my heavy head on the pillow, assuming at last this is my moment - only to have Ruby cry out. No. That moment isn't mine either.  All my  moments are theirs.  I realise that now. And that's ok. I've spent the last 7 years waiting for things to calm down. Just around the corner will be some peace. Just get through this week, and I'll be able to do all those things like tidy the baking cupboard. Maybe next year will be easier.

Daisy turned 7 today. I think I've finally realised it isn't an itch that needs scratching. It's life.
I have kids, ergo life is hectic and full, and challenging and chaotic, glorious and gruesome, exhuasting and exhilerating. Every moment is allocated, because every moment is full.

 My beautiful, wonderful, funny, exhuberant, smart, fiesty, thorny, caring, loving, curious, creative gorgeous baby is seven. And like the day I became a mother by becoming her mother, I still feel new to this parenting process.  But I now kinow this;  I'm going to stop waiting for the ride to stop so I can step off for a moment and catch my breath. She is seven and only a few moments ago she was a baby. So I'm buckling myself in and holding on tight. I'm on this ride, and I'm not getting off.   Bring it on!

Changing times

Life has changed so much in recent weeks. Speeded up, slowed down, eased off, taken off.  Since coming back from Donegal where the days rolled into each other like the sea on those glorious beaches, and the horizon was limiteless, the autumn now drags the dark skies in earlier and a new phase of life with it.

Poppy has started school with her usual confident shyness, and Daisy has bounced into her third year with a happiness that was covered in trepidation the first two years. And Ruby.... well Ruby has reached the big 2 milestone, leaving her official status as baby behind. However, she is as minxy and exhuberant as ever. This week she got into my baking cupboard (she rattles them until the locks break) and covered the puppy in Pink food colouring. Last week it was green felt tip pen, and we're all still recovering from her covering the poor pub in nappy cream!

But the big change is me. I have a new job - the first time really working out of the house since the girls were born. We have a lovely au pair from Germany who has taken all my stress of childcare issues away, and I now wear lipstick and talk to adults three days a week.  It took a lot of time for me to come to terms with the change that would take me away from the girls, but it's been amazing. In a good way.  I love my new job, I love the fact that for the first time I'm not working from home - it means when I stop working, I STOP WORKING!  Weirdly, I have better time with the girls now, because when I'm there now, I'm there for them.  I'm not juggling them, my gmail, my yahoo mail, my work mail, my iphone, my housework, my general life. Oh, and my marriage!

Now, I have time to be with the girls. I do my own stuff in the evening instead of finishing work deadlines. And....... one night a week, hubby and I have a date night. A DATE NIGHT!!!!  I've even managed to squeeze an extra au pair hour this week so we can go and walk the dog. Together. As a couple. I'll say that word again. Together.

After 7 years of baby care, I think I'm finally into the new stage of childcare.  A new stage of work life. A new stage of marriage.

Here's to change. And it being as good as a rest!  Coz there's no chance of that!