is is possible?

I don’t know if I’m jinxing things so I’ll whisper the words quietly, and write them in small font so they don’t get overhead by the gods of fate....by the laws of sod....by the ire of irony. But….

I think we’re almost through it.

The end is in sight, almost touchable, almost tangible. I can almost grasp it. Almost.

Seven long years I’ve been in the deep dark depths of early parenthood…. that brutal busy, physical tussle with irrational beings, that sanity-sucking limbo of baby-rearing, that cataclysmic chaos of nappies and sleepness nights, shit and wee, vomit and wind, pureed food, refused food, spat out food, spilled food, tantrums, toilet training, screaching, screaming, double buggies in small shops, Ryanair with a baby (don't need to say more), sixteen cars seat struggles a day, the exhaserbation (me), the exhaustion (me), the exhuberation (them) all whirled and wound togther in a wirlwind of wonderment and worry. And I'm nearly through it.

The other day, I took the dog for a walk. Daisy ran up ahead. Poppy rode her bike. And Ruby stuck her tongue between her lips and scooted with the concentration of a nobel-winning scientist on the cusp of cancer-cure. No-one whined. No-one had to be carried. No-one poo’d their pants. No-one threw themselves on the ground with a fearful ferocity for no apparent reason. It was a civilized walk in the park. I almost felt that a real person with a real family. Like on the telly.

And mealtimes have developed a promise of calm. A hint here. A glimpse there. Glimmers of possibility when all three actually sit in their seats at the same time for a full few minutes. I’m so taken aback I never quite know how to respond and I stare at them trying to find a topic of conversation that doesn't involve the words 'sit', 'eat' or 'aaaarrrrgggghhhhhhhh'.

We are evolving from a child management to a family participation unit. I'm excited. I'm nervous - what untold horror of hormones awaits me? But for now I'm writing my blog in peace. In peace!

The end is in sight.... and so is the beginning... a whole new phase of parenting.  Wish me luck!

little steps, big changes

Two years ago, I was horrified and harrowed by the awfulness of tending to the same needs from two people at the opposite ends of life - my mum and my newborn baby.  In the months after my mum's stroke just days after Ruby was born, one of the hardest things was the tasks I now had to perform for her, in complete unison with my daugher. Changing her nappy, feeding her pureed food with a spoon, figuring out what she was trying to say.

Two years later, and so much has changed, despite so much being the same. My mum can now talk and feed herself, albeit limited.  My daughter can now talk and feed herself, albeit limited. They are developing at the same stage.  And today, a momentous thing happened for them both.  My daughter completed her first jigsaw. And so did my mum. Ths first time either have had the concentration span, the cognitive intelligence and skills to complete a puzzle. The last few months have been like an awakening for them both. Ruby is working things out, recognizing more and more, communicating more effectively, being funny and engaged. My mum is making more sense, recognised a picture of her mother and last week said my name for the first time in two years.  We can laugh again together. Today we baked. I made the dough and rolled it out and with one hand she pressed the cutter. My mum taught me to bake, as I teach now my children. It is something we did together and today I got to do it again.   We walked the dog in the autumn sunshine as Ruby sat on mum's knee in her wheel chair and later we had a pretend tea party. Mum and Ruby laughed and connected - something I never dreamed could have happened in those awful awful months after her stroke.  Everything with Ruby is getting easier, and things with my mum are getting better.  It's the little things that make the biggest difference.